Vegetarian Eats Pork

1996 June 15 – When one thinks of a vegetarian, they think, “What dedication! To not eat meat is quite the feat.” Others may have a more disapproving reaction, spurning their fellow human. Whether the reaction is admiration or disapproval, one vegetarian has decided to call it quits from the strict diet of fruits, vegetables, legumes and the like.

Stanley Chavira, vegetarian of over a decade, broke his lifestyle choice by eating pork at Dick Church’s Family Restaurant, an eatery in Costa Mesa, California. Other patrons of the restaurant watched in awe as the 23-year-old ordered a pulled pork sandwich. “It was as if time stopped,” said Robin Flats, a waitress at Dick Church’s. “I listened to the words come out of his mouth, and I couldn’t believe what I heard.”

After the order was placed, Chavira patiently waited for his sandwich. Snacking on bread and sipping on ice water, he sat in the booth with a calmed cool. Witnesses claim there was a wave of tension, so intense that all they could do was fix their attention on the man and his meal.

And then it came.

Some found the act of meat eating to be inspiring, using Stanley as a beacon of inspiration. “I think we all held our breaths when the waitress brought out his food,” commented Danny Thump, a fellow patron. “He’s an inspirational man. I’ve always been against riding in two seater convertables. Thanks to Stan, I’m brave enough now to give it a shot.”

It was said that Chavira took a modest bite and shrugged with nonchalance. When asked how his first taste of meat in over ten years was, he replied, “It was okay. Maybe I’ll do it again. But next time, I won’t let so many people know about it.” The pulled pork sandwich, which Chavira did not finish, nor take home, came with a side of French fries and a fruit cup. 

"Rocket Scientists" not impressed with Shania Twain

18 January 1999 – Engineers from NASA, Boeing as well as professors from Stanford University, University of Maryland, University of Toronto, and other schools have boycotted the music of country pop singer, Shania Twain. With the release of her single, “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” off of her latest album, “Come on Over,” several students, professors, and engineers within the aerospace field have expressed great concern over the messages she conveys through her music.

“It’s hard work,” Bryan Font, a student at Stanford University, said. “I’m not saying everyone needs to be impressed, but at least give credit where credit’s due.” Font also went on to state that with all the student loans that he has taken to pay for his education, seeing the growing distaste for his field only adds insult to injury.  “We live in a day and age where pop singers are taken more seriously than the people behind aircrafts and space exploration,” said Dr. Felicia Cartwheel, a professor at University of Toronto. “Very unfortunate.”

While figures within the aerospace field have politely expressed their dissatisfaction with Shania’s message, others have taken to a more aggressive approach, including former US space explorer and engineer, Neil Armstrong. “First off, Shania,” said Armstrong. “It’s called aerospace engineering, not rocket science. Science is the study of nature, dum-dum!” He later stated that “exploring the moon and developing aircrafts were damn impressive,” and that “[engineers] were in fact, something special.”

Twain could not be reached for a full interview, however, she did comment on the matter. When asked how she felt about the aerospace community’s boycott, she replied, “Man! I feel like a woman.”

Boy weeps over results of hot dog eating contest.

Henry Nguyen, a resident of Lakewood, CA, has declared great outrage due to the results of a hot dog eating contest. The contest, sponsored by Wanye Conglomerate, was held just outside of the Cal State Fullerton campus. Around 50 contestants participated in the event, but only 4 made it to the finals. Among those 4, a Fullerton local by the name of Yao Trang, won the contest, eating a total of 26 1/2 hot dogs.

After winning the contest, Trang received a prize of free hot dogs for life. "I just kept thinking, 'me so hungry,'" she said triumphantly. "'I want to eat your hot dog.'" It was not until she was interviewed that Nguyen became outraged. While he had no qualms with the contest itself, he believed that Yao Trang could have been more humble about her victory.

"Frankly, I wept when I heard those words. She needed to tone it down," said Nguyen. "Her words have not only hurt me, but the community as well. I just feel like she ruined any progress that we as a people have made. " Trang could not be reached for comments.