well done, kylie minogue.

There was "Love at First Sight," 

Then you played Cammy White.

Well done, Kylie Minogue.

Your dancy beats,

make us move our feet.

Well done, Kylie Minogue.

You're no bogan,

nor are you a 'Brooke Hogan.'

Well done, Kylie Minogue.

I could mention Bio-Dome,

but I'm too nice.

So we can forget about that role,

your music will suffice.

Well done, Kylie Minogue.

a haiku about chris brown.

You made us forget.

What can you do with your feet?

Please sell gum again.

Boy weeps over results of hot dog eating contest.

Henry Nguyen, a resident of Lakewood, CA, has declared great outrage due to the results of a hot dog eating contest. The contest, sponsored by Wanye Conglomerate, was held just outside of the Cal State Fullerton campus. Around 50 contestants participated in the event, but only 4 made it to the finals. Among those 4, a Fullerton local by the name of Yao Trang, won the contest, eating a total of 26 1/2 hot dogs.

After winning the contest, Trang received a prize of free hot dogs for life. "I just kept thinking, 'me so hungry,'" she said triumphantly. "'I want to eat your hot dog.'" It was not until she was interviewed that Nguyen became outraged. While he had no qualms with the contest itself, he believed that Yao Trang could have been more humble about her victory.

"Frankly, I wept when I heard those words. She needed to tone it down," said Nguyen. "Her words have not only hurt me, but the community as well. I just feel like she ruined any progress that we as a people have made. " Trang could not be reached for comments.

a sonnet about frank dux.

You thought you could run away with the sword,

but weren't you relieved when the cops weren't called?

They still beat you up until you were floored,

but at least you fought hard and brawled.

After you made the deal you learned karate,

but it lead you down a path of feet and fist.

And even when Tanaka said 'no' to the kumite,

your blockhead went anyway, you couldn't resist.

Victor Lin showed you to your new friend Ray Jackson,

and you even broke the bottom brick using dim mak.

The tournament resumed with great skill and action,

but things came to an end when Chong Li attacked.

We knew you'd win, after all, you can do the splits.

You were played by JCVD, it was gonna have to fit.

a haiku about bob sapp.

You can crush apples.

Why won't you put his fuse out?

Just sign the contract.

a haiku about tupac shakur.

He was too angry.

Relaxing was not for him.

Should have stuck to film.

playlist for success.

Girls always come up to me in that 'come hither' kind of way and ask me, "How do you write the way you do? It makes me not wanna stop 'til I squirt." Of course they would ask that. Well ladies, I can't exactly tell you my secret, but I can say say this- if it's a jean skirt or butt naked, it all works. Or sometimes, I tell them, "if you would just get off my jock for one second and pick up a book for once in your life, you could see that it's all practice, baby."

Sometimes though, it's just not that simple. Picking up the latest issue of Family Circus and practicing your ABCs doesn't automatically make you a literary genius like me. It takes that little extra inspiration that practice can't give you. And by inspiration of course, I mean the music that I listen to when I write. You bands out there better be thanking me after I name drop, because maybe then some of the many boobs that I get thrown into my face might spill off and land in your lap. Don't count your chickens though! HONK.

Here's the playlist as of 4/18/2011:

The Radio Dept. - I Don't Need Love, I've Got My Band

The Radio Dept. - Pull Our Weight

The Radio Dept. - Someone Else

The Radio Dept. - The City Limit

Yuck - Georgia

Frankie Rose and The Outs - Girlfriend Island

Best Coast - Sun Was High (So Was I)

Vivian Girls - When I'm Gone

Vivian Girls - Moped Girls

Vivian Girls - I Heard You Say

Vivian Girls - Dance (If You Wanna)

Vivian Girls - Take It As It Comes

Panda People - Sophisticated Girl

Panda People - Nothing Is Missing

Yes Giantess - Can't Help it

Jordan Knight - Give It To You

Aaliyah - Rock The Boat

Visitor - Los Feeling (StardonE Remix)

Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 (StardonE Remix)

Smashing Pumpkins - Real Love

Amy Meredith - Young At Heart (Visitor Remix)

Young Digerati - The Dauphin (Ride The Universe Remix)

Mitch Murder - Alright feat. Kristine

Day After Discovery - Sky High

Mylène Farmer - Sans Contrefaçon

Drake - The Winner

Street Fighter Alpha 2 - Ken's Theme

Squarepusher - Andrei

Visioneers - The World Is Yours

SWV - I'm So Into You

SWV - Right Here (Human Nature Remix)

Futurecop! - Karate Kids

Dan Deacon - Big Milk

The Decemberists - Here I Dreamt I was an Architect

Dry & Heavy - Love Explosion

Embryo - Istanbul Suite

Akron/Family - We All Will

Air - Cherry Blossom Girl

Fiero - Newness

Fiero - UR My Girl (Edit)

Fiero - Tonight

Fiero - Monotone From Shade to Light Mixtape

Christopher Cross - Alright (Fiero Catalina Remix)

Ago - For You

Starpoint - Object of My Desire

Fabian - Heatwave

Strip Steve - Breakin (Lorenz Rhode Remix)

Shalamar - There It Is

Shalamar - For The Lover In You

DJ Chachi - Fashion Indie Vol. 1

DJ Dstrukt - Assorted Flavors

Cosmic Kids on Disco, For Your Health 1/8/2010

That's all, folks! Check back for more sweet beats.