fraud detected (a mixtape by ham salad)

Some people think they're the best. The cream of the crop. The cock of the walk. Not me. I know when I stink. Some may call that loser talk. I call that 'being a real winner.' Inspired by people who play CDs (or compact discs, if you didn't know) at a middle school make out party and call themselves DJs, this piece-of-shit mix is dedicated to you. You're a fraud, and this mix reflects that. Oh, you want to know the twist to it all? I'm a fraud too. The mix starts off a little questionable with The Millionaires, but later eases you in with some familiar Classixx. GET IT??? PUN INTENDED! Definitely some dope tunes. While the crowd may be booing at first, you'll get the cheers at the end.

I've been sitting on this mix for about a month now. I was suppose to continue the Filthy World Warrior series, but work became such a mess. Then, because it had been such a long time since my last mix, I decided to slap something together really quick. Work became a turkey again and got up in my face. I finally had a moment's peace to release this guy. Rather than going for variety, I went with songs I really like, and songs I haven't used. Expect to hear some repeats, but eff it. They're great.

Fraud Detected (mixcrate)

Millionaires - Stay The Night
Jupiter - One o Six (A.N.D.Y. Remix)
Classixx Feat. Jeppe - I'll Get you
Cool Million Feat. Leroy Burgess - Cool To Make A Million (Drop Out Orchestra Remix)
Ride The Universe - A Little Better (Feat. Jane Elizabeth Hanley)
New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle
Midnight Star - Midas Touch
Positive K - I Got A Man
Black Eyed Peas - Joints & Jam (Feat. Ingrid Dupree)
Kashif - Help Yourself To My Love
Cherub - All (Ft. Natalie Prass)

the filthy world warrior vol. 1: Japan feat. Saori Hara

I'd like to consider myself rather cosmopolitan. I find the merits in all countries, big or small, rich or poor. As such, it's only appropriate that I'd feel at home in any country I may find myself. More important than the countries themselves are the ladies living in them. Some travel the world, proving their might as the one true world warrior. Not me. I travel the world spreading love, yall. I strive to be the filthiest of the 'ilthiest. In this new series of mixtapes, I'll be traveling the world, showcasing some of the best disco and dance from all across the globe.

This week we stop in Japan. Playing some of the catchiest J-pop you'll ever hear, the mix cools down and serenades you with a groovy disco tune by Yamashita Tatsuro. Along the way, you'll find some familiar faces- Shook, Ride The Universe, and Kylie Minogue. Special guest intro and outro by soul sister and (not-so)secret freak, Saori Hara. Join me on this funky erotic journey through time and space, will you?

The Filthy World Warrior vol. 1: Japan

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Penguin Prison- Multimillionaire (Shook Remix)
Perfume- One Room Disco
Kylie Minogue- Get Outta My Way
Sheila E- The Glamorous Life
Matt Van Schie- Be My Lady (Hemingway's Beach Bossa Mix)
Genki Rockets- Heavenly Star
Pitchben- Stand Up (Tiger & Woods Remix)
Ride The Universe- A Little Better (Feat. Jane Elizabeth Hanley)
Yamashita Tatsuro- Ride on Time

to trini kwan, thanks for everything. (a mixtape by ham salad)

When Mighty Morphing Power Rangers was the big thing back in the 90s, I was all about it. Karate fights with neighborhood kids, collecting toys, and endless debates on which power ranger was the raddest. Never the blue one though. No one liked him. Billy was a jerk. Now that I'm older, I look back and wonder why the everyone thought the pink ranger was so great. Girls who liked that show were always going on about the pink ranger. Eff that. Trini was the best. And while I may make rude jokes about your unfortunate demise, you'll always have a special place in my heart. This is why I've dedicated this mixtape to you. Thank you for inspiring little Asian girls to kick butt and wear a yellow wardrobe to match their skin color. If Thuy Trang were alive, I'm sure she would be dancing to this mixtape. Thuy, you so hot, girl. You make a brotha wanna sing.

To Trini Kwan, Thanks For Everything. 

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The Magician- I Don't Know What to Do feat. Jeppe (Fabian Remix)
Jonas Rathsman- Tobago
Moon Boots- Off My Mind (Rogue Vogue Remix)
Jadoo Feat Hard Ton- Voodoo Love (Original Mix)
Erasure- Oh L'Amour
George Duke- Brazilian Love Affair (Zimmer Edit)

Chris Brown vs Eastside connection - You're So Yeah 3X (GonZo 70s Reboot)

DWTWN- Transition (Futurecop! Remix)

teach me, edward james olmos (a mixtape by ham salad)

Let's just get one thing straight. I hate The Dead Poet's Society. I absolutely hate it. On the other side of the coin, I love Stand and Deliver with a passion. As an enthusiast of literature, I feel short changed when it comes to inspirational high school films. Why do math buffs get to feel all warm and fuzzy running numbers while I, on the other hand, have to watch dickbutts stand on their desk and shout, "O captain, my captain?" They get the suave, debonair Edward James Olmos while I'm stuck with Robin "I'm a genie" Williams. This mixtape is devoted to Mr. Olmos and his number one student, Lou Diamond Philips. Remixes galore and the dancy beats that keep the party going are, as usual, present in this one. Take a listen!

Teach Me, Edward James Olmos

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Visitor- Los Feeling (Digitalfoxglove + Wonder Remix)

Taylor Swift- Love Story (Futurecop! & Ham$tar* Remix)

Michael Jackson - PYT (StardonE Remix)

Young Digerati- The Dauphin

Mix Chopin- Bliss

Vanguard- LeJeune

Perseus- Running Back To You

Gigamesh- Red Light feat. Amanda Love (Original Mix)

Poolside- Do You Believe (Goldroom Remix)

Tempogeist- Satisfy Me feat. Louise

Aubrey- Loma

Poolside- Harvest Moon

miss teen disco 1988 feat. Kelly Hu (a mixtape by ham salad)

Some people don't care too much for beauty pageants. They think it's superficial and shallow. "These competitions don't judge the girls for their inner beauty and their personalities." Well, that just sounds like the ramblings of wet blanket, or a party pooper. I wouldn't call myself a fan, but I will say that I do enjoy the novelty of it all. It's almost like the Olympics for hot women, and if there's one thing in this world I absolutely love, it's the Olympics. This mixtape is a hybrid of new and old, here and there. There's quite a bit of 80s Euro Pop, as well as old school classics from New Edition and Janet Jackson. Remixes galore as well as a tasteful ending, courtesy of the Miss Philippines 2010 fan club.

Miss Teen Disco 1988

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Gold Fields - Treehouse (Gloves Remix)
The Whip - Divebomb (Futurecop! Remix)
Mylène Farmer - Sans Contrefaçon
LifeLike - So Electric (Original Mix)
Flight Facilities - Foreign Language (feat. Jess)
StardonE - Seti
Kris Menace and Savage - Let's Shower Together (Final DJs Edit)
Sabrina Salerno - All Of Me
Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone (Beaumont Remix)
Janet Jackson - When I Think Of You
New Edition - Cool It Now
Citizens! - True Romance (Gigamesh Remix)
Dye - Fantasy



PS I would have come out with something for the holidays, but with the new fightstick and all the new games, I really haven't been able to sit down and create. Not to mention, Whitney Cup 2k12 is steadily approaching and I have to hone my Tekken skills. New literary works coming soon (perhaps a quick screen play?) as well as a possible video promo for Whitney Cup. Collaboration still in the works, so hold tight.

Vegetarian Eats Pork

1996 June 15 – When one thinks of a vegetarian, they think, “What dedication! To not eat meat is quite the feat.” Others may have a more disapproving reaction, spurning their fellow human. Whether the reaction is admiration or disapproval, one vegetarian has decided to call it quits from the strict diet of fruits, vegetables, legumes and the like.

Stanley Chavira, vegetarian of over a decade, broke his lifestyle choice by eating pork at Dick Church’s Family Restaurant, an eatery in Costa Mesa, California. Other patrons of the restaurant watched in awe as the 23-year-old ordered a pulled pork sandwich. “It was as if time stopped,” said Robin Flats, a waitress at Dick Church’s. “I listened to the words come out of his mouth, and I couldn’t believe what I heard.”

After the order was placed, Chavira patiently waited for his sandwich. Snacking on bread and sipping on ice water, he sat in the booth with a calmed cool. Witnesses claim there was a wave of tension, so intense that all they could do was fix their attention on the man and his meal.

And then it came.

Some found the act of meat eating to be inspiring, using Stanley as a beacon of inspiration. “I think we all held our breaths when the waitress brought out his food,” commented Danny Thump, a fellow patron. “He’s an inspirational man. I’ve always been against riding in two seater convertables. Thanks to Stan, I’m brave enough now to give it a shot.”

It was said that Chavira took a modest bite and shrugged with nonchalance. When asked how his first taste of meat in over ten years was, he replied, “It was okay. Maybe I’ll do it again. But next time, I won’t let so many people know about it.” The pulled pork sandwich, which Chavira did not finish, nor take home, came with a side of French fries and a fruit cup. 

less polka, larry david. (a mixtape by ham salad)

Sometimes I wonder, "what would HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm be like if there wasn't any Polka music?" As fitting as it may be, perhaps Mr. David wouldn't be such an awkward, neurotic mess if he just listened to a bit of disco every now and then. In this mixtape, you will find a blend of old and new, from Madonna to Teenage Bad Girl, Hall and Oates to StardonE. Along with a happening playlist are the comedy stylings of Michael J. Fox, JB Smoove, and of course, the big "LD."

Less Polka, Larry David

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N.A.S.A.- Gifted (Blinn Remix)
Dominique Young Unique- War Talk
Madonna- Into the Groove
Mitch Murder- Alright (feat. Kristine)
Queen Of Hearts- Where Are You Now (StardonE Remix)
Ago- Trying Over
Cassette Club- Talk To Me
Deee-Lite- Groove Is In The Heart (Gigamesh Remix)
Hall and Oates- Out of Touch
Teenage Bad Girl- X Girl (feat. Rye Rye)
The Dream- Rockin' That Thang (Roy G and The Biv Remix)

super bayside back II: the new challengers (a mixtape by ham salad)

Did you enjoy the first mixtape, Back II Bayside? The poorly executed, but well meaning mix with a heart of gold? Well, the wait is over! Re-balanced gameplay! New roster of characters! Now you and a friend can pick the same character in versus mode!! Experience Back II Bayside like you never have before with the latest mixtape, Super Bayside Back II: The New Challengers. I've always wanted to revisit the Back II Bayside playlist once my mixing skills improved. A couple of my favorite songs were wasted on the first one and I wanted to do them justice. I'm very excited about this one and I truly hope you enjoy it.

Super Bayside Back II: The New Challengers

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Smashing Pumpkins- 1979 (StardonE Remix)
JNL Cinemafunk- One Sunday
Kimbra- Cameo Lover (Gloves Remix)
Kylie Minogue- Love at First Sight (Ruff & Jam US Radio Mix)
Fabian- Heatwave
Jean Tonnique- My Baby
Oxford- Unicorn at Night
Chris Malinchak- Accolade
Les Loups- Side To Side (She Said Disco Remix)
Slow Magic- Sorry Safari
Meridians- Animals


PS Got another collaboration in the works, building the playlist for the holiday mixtape, as well as some extra special literary pieces being drafted. Will get them released in a timely fashion if Tatsunoko vs Capcom doesn't keep ruining my focus.

booty bass confusion (a cinquain about INOJ)

INOJ,

You proclaimed love.

But there was something odd.

All your songs bumped the booty bass.

Confused.

a haiku about Siamese cats.

I do not blame you.

Lady was asking for it.

Oh cats, I do please!

ham salad X DJ Trik: bricks hit back

What happens when two of the most celebrated DJ franchises come together for a collaboration? Have we gone into a new age of heroes? Has the fate of two worlds become compromised? This and more in 'Bricks Hit Back.' The Payabyab brothers have worked together for the past couple of weeks to bring you this Bloodsport inspired mixtape. Join us as we take you on a fantastical journey meeting characters such as Frank "Teach me, I can do it." Dux, "Big Man" Jackson, and "OKUSA" Lin. Future collaborations happening, so stay tight.

Bricks Hit Back (mixcrate)

Bricks Hit Back

PS New literary works coming soon.

tom yum disco. (a mixtape by ham salad)

Greetings, friends and lovers! It has been awhile since our last rendezvous, has it not? I have been busy working for the man, but I'll tell you something, world. I'll never let that turkey get me down. I've gotta spread my wings and fly like an eagle. In this mixtape, you'll find your usual boogie-down entrée. However, along with that, are the voices of the culinary world. A slutty Nigella Lawson, a stuttering Martin Yan, and a giggly Gordon Ramsay have joined us on this voyage. All of this, plus the sweet, sour, and savory flavors of tom yum goong. It's a feast for the senses!

Tom Yum Disco

Poka - '99 Style
Lenno - Your Style
Labtracks - Robotic Love (Lenno Remix)
Les Loups - Side to Side
Martin Yan chicken boning interlude
Wallpaper. - Lady Gaga + Taylor Swift + Crystal Waters
Donna Summer - Bad Girls
Erkka - Dangerous Midsummer
Short Circuit - Keep it Together (Small Pyramids Remix)
Young Digerati - Werewolves of London (Warren Zevon Cover)

P.S. Crazy collab in the works. More details coming soon!

everyday situations (a mixtape by ham salad)

Have you ever wondered what everyday conversations were like between children in South Korea? More specifically, have you ever wondered what everyday conversations were like between children in South Korea as interpreted by a Canadian English teaching school? This week's mixtape is not only going to make you dance, but answer these very questions. Mixing game has definitely stepped up this week as I dub this one my best mixtape yet. Give it a listen, won't you?

everyday situations (IN ENGLISH!)

Rihanna vs. Jocelyn Brown - Somebody Else's Rude Boy (GonZo 70s Reboot)

Benedek - That's My Jam! (Benedek's Midnight Cruiser Mix)

Bobby Brown - Every Little Step I Take

Shalamar - There It Is

Toro Y Moi - Freaking Out 

Starsmith - Lesson One

Circle City Band - My Place

Grum - Runaway (Nightriders Remix)

VHS or Beta - I Found a Reason

a haiku about alex guarnaschelli.

Why don't you smile?

You are not Simon Cowell.

You need to be chopped.

dingus for dummies. (a mixtape by ham salad)

This week's mixtape is for that starry-eyed dreamer. The person that looks up in the sky and sheds a tear at the sight of nature's splendor. You see a food pyramid that is terribly misinformed, he sees the recipe for success. As the practice keeps coming, the mixtapes keep getting better. Of course, slightly rough at some transitions, I assure you, you'll still be dancing. Laughs, courtesy of "Check It Out!" Thank you, Dr. Stevie Brule.

dingus for dummies.

RAH Band - Messages From The Stars
Yes Giantess - Can't Help It
Patrice Rushen - Forget Me Nots
Cherokee - Mambo Jet
Starsmith - Champion
Joy - I Need Your Love
Cassian - I Like What You're Doing (Nightriders Remix)
Fear Of Tigers - The Adventures of Pippi Longstump (Digitalfoxglove Remix)

P.S. This is still a literary blog. Poems and short stories coming soon.

dripping with seaman feat. Leonard Nimoy (a mixtape by ham salad)

Inspired by the musings of a fish with a Japanese man's face, this week's mixtape will make you cock your head to the side, tap your chin with your index finger, and ponder about this thing we call life. If not that, then it'll make you dance. With tracks from artists like Wallpaper, GonZo, New Edition, and my personal favorite, Ride The Universe, this mix is stacked to the teeth with hits. Like I said, all I needed was practice because the transitions, the mixing, all of the above, in this guy have definitely improved. Friends and lovers, I hope you enjoy.

Dripping with Seaman

Seaman Introduction by Leonard Nimoy
Auxiliary The Masterfader - Discobitch (Shook Remix)
Wallpaper - Getting Drip
Gonzo - Waves High
Seaman Musings (the internet)
Yarbrough & Peoples - Guilty
Cherokee - Take Care of You
Seaman Musings (self-esteem)
Starpoint - Object of My Desire
DJ Las K - Tiramisu
Thrill Kill - Dress in Stereo (Ride The Universe Remix)
New Edition - Count Me Out
Seaman Musings (Mating Ritual)
Com Truise - VHS Sex
Seaman Climax

back II bayside (a mixtape by ham salad)

Friends and lovers, consider this not only an homage to one of the greatest television shows of all time, but a musical experience for the ears. It's something I've wanted to do for quite some time now. Of course, this is just my first attempt at creating a mixtape, so the mixes (not really mixes at all) are rough around the edges. If anything, this is more of a continuous playlist. With practice and more installments, I assure that my mixing will get better and perhaps, we'll get something a little more serious. For now, enjoy.

Back II Bayside

CHYNA - Mismatched Couples Opening

I Blame Coco - Quicker (Shook Remix)

Fabian - Heatwave

Kylie Minogue - Love at First Sight (Ruff & Jam US Radio Mix)
Jessie Spano pill popping interlude

Toro Y Moi - All Alone

Fabian - Draco

Com Truise - Ether Drift

Slow Magic - Sorry Safari

quick conversations

"Excuse me? This is an A-B conversation."

"So does that mean I need to see my way out?"

"No, we're having a difficult time figuring out the variables, A and B."

"Looks like some wasn't paying attention in Algebra 1... JERK!"

"Rocket Scientists" not impressed with Shania Twain

18 January 1999 – Engineers from NASA, Boeing as well as professors from Stanford University, University of Maryland, University of Toronto, and other schools have boycotted the music of country pop singer, Shania Twain. With the release of her single, “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” off of her latest album, “Come on Over,” several students, professors, and engineers within the aerospace field have expressed great concern over the messages she conveys through her music.

“It’s hard work,” Bryan Font, a student at Stanford University, said. “I’m not saying everyone needs to be impressed, but at least give credit where credit’s due.” Font also went on to state that with all the student loans that he has taken to pay for his education, seeing the growing distaste for his field only adds insult to injury.  “We live in a day and age where pop singers are taken more seriously than the people behind aircrafts and space exploration,” said Dr. Felicia Cartwheel, a professor at University of Toronto. “Very unfortunate.”

While figures within the aerospace field have politely expressed their dissatisfaction with Shania’s message, others have taken to a more aggressive approach, including former US space explorer and engineer, Neil Armstrong. “First off, Shania,” said Armstrong. “It’s called aerospace engineering, not rocket science. Science is the study of nature, dum-dum!” He later stated that “exploring the moon and developing aircrafts were damn impressive,” and that “[engineers] were in fact, something special.”

Twain could not be reached for a full interview, however, she did comment on the matter. When asked how she felt about the aerospace community’s boycott, she replied, “Man! I feel like a woman.”

a haiku about rihanna

Someone please help her.

She-Hulk is in full effect.

Don't make her angry.